Dax Shepard is clearing up her missteps on the road to sobriety.
The 45-year-old actor bared his soul in the September 25 episode of his podcast, “Armchair Expert,” where he described his recent relapse shortly after celebrating 16 years of sobriety with his wife, Kristen Bell.
Shepard began by admitting his first mistake, which occurred eight years ago during a visit from his then-ill father, a cancer patient to whom the actor offered Percocet to ease his pain.
Shepard – who was prescribed Vicodin at home – said he took twice as much as his other recipe was while bonding with his father during his final days.
“You know, we had so little in common and so much f-king friction,”
Bell later showed up off guard to offer his support, leading Shepard to admit that he had relapsed.
“It happened eight years ago,” Shepard continued, adding later, “Now I’ve had this experience where I did, I felt bad, but there were no consequences. It was like, I felt bad, I said that I felt bad, and then I just moved on and everything was fine. “
Due to several motorcycle injuries over the years, leading to seven surgeries, Shepard has regularly struggled between medical treatments against legitimate pain instead of feeding his addiction.
“I go running a lot,” he explained. “After driving a few times on the track, I feel I have the right to take two Vicodins at the end of the day because I am in pain. Again it doesn’t seem that crazy.”
Six months ago, Shepard realized he had a problem when he found himself becoming “more shady” with taking pills.
“Maybe in the last eight weeks, I don’t know … they are there all day. I’m allowed to take them at a certain dosage because I have a prescription. And then I’m also increasing it,” he confessed. “And then all the prescriptions run out and now I only take 30 million Oxys that I bought every time I decide I can. [it]. “
Things hit fans when Shepard began hiding the habit from his wife, Bell, and lying to his podcast co-host, Monica Padman.
“And I’m lying to other people and I know I have to stop,” he acknowledged. “But my tolerance is increasing so rapidly that now I’m in a situation where I’m taking, you know, eight and 30 a day, and I know that’s a quantity that will result in a pretty bad withdrawal. And I start to get really scared and I start to feel really alone. And I only have this huge secret. “
“Now I am starting to get quite visibly detoxifying and withdrawn,” he added. “And I lie and start saying that I have flared arthritis.”
Less than two weeks ago, Shepard confessed to her co-host, telling her, “I’m lighting you on gas and I know I am. And I’m making you feel crazy and I’m making Kristen feel crazy.”
He then apologized to his wife and Padman, adding that he fears he will fall back on even worse substances again.
“My fear was that if I had one day, I would drink and do cocaine,” he said. “I haven’t had a beer in 16 years and haven’t puffed a line in 16 years. And if I have a day then I might as well have what I really want and then start over. And my fear is that if I do, it will take me. three years to put it back in the cage and I could die. “